im | simple | nazrisaifee | uyakurt | Link | music
On 2:03 AM
7 november 09, time 2.05am. cold night.
alone in my room, accompanied by music.
here's my reflection.
a need to do this.
im all alone and ive got no one to turn too.
months ago, i remember zhenguang saying to me that struck me,
"naz, you got it all wrong about this because i think you've been hurt by your past"
in some sort of that way. it was during my conversation with joseph about his relationship. back than, i don't even agree with pursue and all because i felt im always been taken advantage off. i seriously don't believe in love. there's no such thing to me...ever. I used to pursue for this girl for 3 years, close to four. im so crazy about her such that losing her changed me so much. nevermind about her, i moved on. with one lesson in mind. that love hurts. i tried again twice in my poly life, and the consequences was bad. one ended up with my classmate and another one ended up choosing me as her friend.
and then, one night. about 12am. there's a girl i called her Sky.(not her real named though) sudennly message me about my friend, named him Star.She's confused and all, and Star has been giving her the wrong signals. Star is everything, he is so close to perfection i guess. Otherwise, which i cant mention it here. Sky love Star. and Star never expect it but wanted Sky to know he meant friendship. Me and Star are good friends. I considered myself the middle this time, knowing what is happening around. Star used to be a playful, and he wanted to change. Not to give the wrong impressions ever again, even to Sky. For some reasons, i get to know Sky better through messages.
Sky feelings is so strong and she refused to forget him. On the other hand, Star began to move on. While getting to know Sky, she told me mostly more of her problems and im glad that she told me. During that point of time,i began to notice Sky's ways. She is different from the rest. She is just so truthfull to her feelings. She do not lie and she do not like to critisize. At the same time, i began to tell myself. Maybe i should start believing it again. That one day, someone would love me and i would be able to open up this heart of mine. Ive always shut myself out from being in relationship such that i do not even care about other feelings towards me. Sky knows this and she keeps showing me her support, for me to be able to slowly open this heart of mine. i eventually try to open this heart of mine.slowly and steadily. i began to see and i force myself to open up.
One night, i was feeling so ever useless and i was down for many many reasons. I just felt that ive been trying to hard and that im a failure in love. Coincidentally, Sky messaged me, asking me how i am. I was pretty struck but at the same time, i felt so fortunate to have such a friend.
Being with Sky one day, we went to watch this great movie. There was one part when she got pretty stress and took out her tep jacket. She uses her hands to cover part of her eyes. I looked at her and she said she got stress. I began to think...why am i always looking at her. Ordered 20 satay stick which ended up i ate 15 of them. We chatted the night away. As we speak, i realise we shared so many things in common. I began to think about her. Could it be? She's been there all these while...On the way home, i keep thinking. and i tell myself. No and that i should never fall for her. She is my best friend and that should stay.
At that point of time. Sky's been trying to forget Star. Here comes this guy named Charm. I guess he was a charmer. Charm wanted Sky so much and he waited Sky for so long. Sky was pretty much falling for him as time goes by... Trying to support Sky's, i keep insisting that Sky should go for Charm. Looking at how Charm waited kinda amaze me at the same time. Knowing i should not fall for Sky, i tried to know this girl named Soul. I forced myself to know Soul so that i would not fall for Sky. However, it pretty much struck me hard down on the ground. A friend, told me somethings that he regretted. Okay, now im falling for Sky already. It is pretty much too late to tell her because she is so close with Charm. Ouh well, i tell myself. Why not i push Sky to Charm. So that i can forget about Sky... and I tried.
IVP 400M final race. in the final race, while waiting for my turn to set up the starting blocks, i remembered seeing her face infront of me. She's not there but my first thought is her. I tried to focus and waith for the bang. True enough, after the bang, my thoughts are all over the place and i remember thinking about SKY while running my 400m, hearing some shout across the stadium i wanted to win at least third... i dived in and got my personal best timing. i got injured, twisting my ankle. As the paramedics arrived and iced my leg, i think... why her in my mind. i believe it was all worth it.
One day before a friend's event, that very same night. I remember telling Sky that i wish other girls were to be like her. Im truthfull to this and till now i still believe this. She said the same to me which make me realise i might actually have a chance too. I told her, i feared that she might change one day. Because people do change when something hit them hard...
As time goes by, I felt ever so close to Sky. and this time my feelings is strong. I remember feeling so happy and excited that is beyond explanations when i see her outside 7/11 near big splash. i felt so happy to see her. We were helping out for a friend's event. The weather was so so hot and we went to get ourself some ice creams. While walking, Sky told me that she do not want Charm already. Because of Charm acting all weird. I remember feeling a little greatful yet worried. I replied, "its really up to you, you decide." That point of time i felt some sort of glimmer for hope...
As the day was about to end, Charm came to approach Sky.He's picking her up for movie i guess. I saw Charm from far and my guess were he was good looking. I can see Sky's beautiful smile and she's so happy to see him. I walk quicker to the toilet with a friend, trying to ignore. I felt hurt. I felt pain and i tried to ignore it. She wanted to wait for us and i told her to go first. I insist on this for some reasons. This really hurts. It got worse when i was in the bus on the way home.
Everynight i began to think of the consequences that might happen. I really love Sky and it hurts to think that she might ended up with Charm. Should i tell her? or should i not? I decided that i should tell her because i just cant loose her.
That wednesday, i told her what ive been feeling. I know she was very much taken aback about it. I knew and ive thought many of the consequences. I know that im a good friend of Star and if she ever to see me and Star around, she would not be able to take it.
I trust my heart and i think, maybe i deserve this second chance.what was i thinking, am i asking for my heart to be broken again. Losing my handphone could not have been a bad time, i could not contact her and i miss her so much. i prayed and ask god to please please take care of her. what else can i do after that camp.
Now, finally i can message her. For some reasons, the way she replied is so different. Our conversations are soo different. She told me to not have any expectations. I just wanted to assure her and not pressure her so i keep telling myself that time will tell and that i have no expectations. I agreed to pretend during training that there is nothing between us. However i felt that, i am not able to even get closer and communicate with her because we can only meet during training times. While trying to talk to her when we are left alone together, i try to look at her but there was no eye contact at all. She seems so closed up, refusing to open up.
I saw her blog and i know that Sky's begining to miss Charm, i was never there all along. Charm is army boy and i felt so happy for him. It hurts to know this. But why is Sky not telling me at the same time?. I felt that we are distancing apart.If there were to be a glimmer of my image in her heart, i would be very happy enough. I kinda guess, not being able to spend time with her and looking at her the way she's distancing from me. I didnt even had the chance to meet her alone and spend some good time together till today.im so scared to think she's going to leave me one day. I felt so lonely out of sudden.
Im simple, i do not play hot and cold. I felt that love is about truthfullness.No secrets and yet just pure.
I tried telling her what i feel, she mistook it that i think she's close to me when Charm is not close to her. she did however mentioned that im forever a good friend to her. I thought to myself, i can't do this. i just can't do this anymore. Maybe if we are not together, i can never bring myself to be her friend. i just can't. The answer were so obvious and i do not know why im still hoping.I've been trying to close the gap between her and myself. im just so tired out of sudden. i love and love has expectations. because u believe two is better than one. the truth hurts.
True enough, we all changed.
A while ago, i met Syazwan and we talked about my problems, i told him. "Wan, aku dah tak tahu aper nak buat.." He asked why and i said" Wan, aku sayangkan dier wan.Aku tidak bersempat untuk bilang dier." Wan look at me and consoled me as a best friend would do. I teared...just like that.
Even as im writing this, i cant seem to stop tearing.Im so weak for a guy.
"I wish i could have told you the things that i kept inside.
but now i guess it is just too late
So many things reminds me of you...
i hope that you can hear me.
i miss you, this could be my goodbye."
Time now,4.05am. im shall go to sleep now. im feeling so ever tired.
maybe it is all for the best. i just don't see any good in this.
i won't regret saying that i wish other girls were to be like you.
ill wait for you no matter what.
7 november 09, time 2.05am. cold night.
alone in my room, accompanied by music.
here's my reflection.
a need to do this.
im all alone and ive got no one to turn too.
months ago, i remember zhenguang saying to me that struck me,
"naz, you got it all wrong about this because i think you've been hurt by your past"
in some sort of that way. it was during my conversation with joseph about his relationship. back than, i don't even agree with pursue and all because i felt im always been taken advantage off. i seriously don't believe in love. there's no such thing to me...ever. I used to pursue for this girl for 3 years, close to four. im so crazy about her such that losing her changed me so much. nevermind about her, i moved on. with one lesson in mind. that love hurts. i tried again twice in my poly life, and the consequences was bad. one ended up with my classmate and another one ended up choosing me as her friend.
and then, one night. about 12am. there's a girl i called her Sky.(not her real named though) sudennly message me about my friend, named him Star.She's confused and all, and Star has been giving her the wrong signals. Star is everything, he is so close to perfection i guess. Otherwise, which i cant mention it here. Sky love Star. and Star never expect it but wanted Sky to know he meant friendship. Me and Star are good friends. I considered myself the middle this time, knowing what is happening around. Star used to be a playful, and he wanted to change. Not to give the wrong impressions ever again, even to Sky. For some reasons, i get to know Sky better through messages.
Sky feelings is so strong and she refused to forget him. On the other hand, Star began to move on. While getting to know Sky, she told me mostly more of her problems and im glad that she told me. During that point of time,i began to notice Sky's ways. She is different from the rest. She is just so truthfull to her feelings. She do not lie and she do not like to critisize. At the same time, i began to tell myself. Maybe i should start believing it again. That one day, someone would love me and i would be able to open up this heart of mine. Ive always shut myself out from being in relationship such that i do not even care about other feelings towards me. Sky knows this and she keeps showing me her support, for me to be able to slowly open this heart of mine. i eventually try to open this heart of mine.slowly and steadily. i began to see and i force myself to open up.
One night, i was feeling so ever useless and i was down for many many reasons. I just felt that ive been trying to hard and that im a failure in love. Coincidentally, Sky messaged me, asking me how i am. I was pretty struck but at the same time, i felt so fortunate to have such a friend.
Being with Sky one day, we went to watch this great movie. There was one part when she got pretty stress and took out her tep jacket. She uses her hands to cover part of her eyes. I looked at her and she said she got stress. I began to think...why am i always looking at her. Ordered 20 satay stick which ended up i ate 15 of them. We chatted the night away. As we speak, i realise we shared so many things in common. I began to think about her. Could it be? She's been there all these while...On the way home, i keep thinking. and i tell myself. No and that i should never fall for her. She is my best friend and that should stay.
At that point of time. Sky's been trying to forget Star. Here comes this guy named Charm. I guess he was a charmer. Charm wanted Sky so much and he waited Sky for so long. Sky was pretty much falling for him as time goes by... Trying to support Sky's, i keep insisting that Sky should go for Charm. Looking at how Charm waited kinda amaze me at the same time. Knowing i should not fall for Sky, i tried to know this girl named Soul. I forced myself to know Soul so that i would not fall for Sky. However, it pretty much struck me hard down on the ground. A friend, told me somethings that he regretted. Okay, now im falling for Sky already. It is pretty much too late to tell her because she is so close with Charm. Ouh well, i tell myself. Why not i push Sky to Charm. So that i can forget about Sky... and I tried.
IVP 400M final race. in the final race, while waiting for my turn to set up the starting blocks, i remembered seeing her face infront of me. She's not there but my first thought is her. I tried to focus and waith for the bang. True enough, after the bang, my thoughts are all over the place and i remember thinking about SKY while running my 400m, hearing some shout across the stadium i wanted to win at least third... i dived in and got my personal best timing. i got injured, twisting my ankle. As the paramedics arrived and iced my leg, i think... why her in my mind. i believe it was all worth it.
One day before a friend's event, that very same night. I remember telling Sky that i wish other girls were to be like her. Im truthfull to this and till now i still believe this. She said the same to me which make me realise i might actually have a chance too. I told her, i feared that she might change one day. Because people do change when something hit them hard...
As time goes by, I felt ever so close to Sky. and this time my feelings is strong. I remember feeling so happy and excited that is beyond explanations when i see her outside 7/11 near big splash. i felt so happy to see her. We were helping out for a friend's event. The weather was so so hot and we went to get ourself some ice creams. While walking, Sky told me that she do not want Charm already. Because of Charm acting all weird. I remember feeling a little greatful yet worried. I replied, "its really up to you, you decide." That point of time i felt some sort of glimmer for hope...
As the day was about to end, Charm came to approach Sky.He's picking her up for movie i guess. I saw Charm from far and my guess were he was good looking. I can see Sky's beautiful smile and she's so happy to see him. I walk quicker to the toilet with a friend, trying to ignore. I felt hurt. I felt pain and i tried to ignore it. She wanted to wait for us and i told her to go first. I insist on this for some reasons. This really hurts. It got worse when i was in the bus on the way home.
Everynight i began to think of the consequences that might happen. I really love Sky and it hurts to think that she might ended up with Charm. Should i tell her? or should i not? I decided that i should tell her because i just cant loose her.
That wednesday, i told her what ive been feeling. I know she was very much taken aback about it. I knew and ive thought many of the consequences. I know that im a good friend of Star and if she ever to see me and Star around, she would not be able to take it.
I trust my heart and i think, maybe i deserve this second chance.what was i thinking, am i asking for my heart to be broken again. Losing my handphone could not have been a bad time, i could not contact her and i miss her so much. i prayed and ask god to please please take care of her. what else can i do after that camp.
Now, finally i can message her. For some reasons, the way she replied is so different. Our conversations are soo different. She told me to not have any expectations. I just wanted to assure her and not pressure her so i keep telling myself that time will tell and that i have no expectations. I agreed to pretend during training that there is nothing between us. However i felt that, i am not able to even get closer and communicate with her because we can only meet during training times. While trying to talk to her when we are left alone together, i try to look at her but there was no eye contact at all. She seems so closed up, refusing to open up.
I saw her blog and i know that Sky's begining to miss Charm, i was never there all along. Charm is army boy and i felt so happy for him. It hurts to know this. But why is Sky not telling me at the same time?. I felt that we are distancing apart.If there were to be a glimmer of my image in her heart, i would be very happy enough. I kinda guess, not being able to spend time with her and looking at her the way she's distancing from me. I didnt even had the chance to meet her alone and spend some good time together till today.im so scared to think she's going to leave me one day. I felt so lonely out of sudden.
Im simple, i do not play hot and cold. I felt that love is about truthfullness.No secrets and yet just pure.
I tried telling her what i feel, she mistook it that i think she's close to me when Charm is not close to her. she did however mentioned that im forever a good friend to her. I thought to myself, i can't do this. i just can't do this anymore. Maybe if we are not together, i can never bring myself to be her friend. i just can't. The answer were so obvious and i do not know why im still hoping.I've been trying to close the gap between her and myself. im just so tired out of sudden. i love and love has expectations. because u believe two is better than one. the truth hurts.
True enough, we all changed.
A while ago, i met Syazwan and we talked about my problems, i told him. "Wan, aku dah tak tahu aper nak buat.." He asked why and i said" Wan, aku sayangkan dier wan.Aku tidak bersempat untuk bilang dier." Wan look at me and consoled me as a best friend would do. I teared...just like that.
Even as im writing this, i cant seem to stop tearing.Im so weak for a guy.
"I wish i could have told you the things that i kept inside.
but now i guess it is just too late
So many things reminds me of you...
i hope that you can hear me.
i miss you, this could be my goodbye."
Time now,4.05am. im shall go to sleep now. im feeling so ever tired.
maybe it is all for the best. i just don't see any good in this.
i won't regret saying that i wish other girls were to be like you.
ill wait for you no matter what.
I give
my life to hear your voiceThe Boy
Nickname: naz.Birthday: 23rd march 89
Location: singapore
Zodiac Sign: aries
Personality: bet2differ
Languages: eng
E-mail: nazrisaifee_chemicromance
His blog
A poetry in motion that is. for it has its own reasons and meanings and for all this guy could only have. to pour and to cheer about his life. may not be known, but does make a difference in the world. he is half malay and chinese. he loves music. he loves sports. he loves art. he loves the people he knew. simple. simplest at its himself.loves & hates
50 first date, athletics, avenged sevenfold, blink 182, boxers and hoodies, chris brown, dashboard confessional, faber drive, family and friends, fashion, fm static, football, jonas brothers, katy perry, limp bizkit, music of any kind, secondhand serenade, shop, simple plan, sports, tats simple., the beatlesmy fav'd quotes
featured links
Adidas
Atticus
Ask Men
International Association of Athletics Federations
Manchester United
Men's Health
Singapore 2010
Singapore Athletics
TopMan
tag him
his buddies
x NYP Athleticsx adham
x asvin
x biins
x chor hoon
x dorries
x dawnwlle
x dilemmastar
x edith
x elaine
x elearnor
x feng yao.
x hazel
x hafiz
x justina
x kasmini
x kenny
x luqman
x lewis
x matt
x masnurulazurin
x nadiah.
x nadzirah
x peijun.
x peng xin.
x peiyi
x steffi.
x sylvester
x yana
x yinci
x yvonne.
x zhenguang
credits
layout: evme @ moonlighticons: alteraetion @ supercooled
